Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The top 5 reasons to murder someone

Ever wondered why people kill other people? Note i'm only talking about homicide here, so this excludes obvious things like war. And everyone knows that killing someone in a war doesn't *really* count anyway. But what do you suppose is the number one human vice? Greed? Jealousy? Hatred? Well i spent fifteen minutes researching the subject so that YOU could find out! You lucky person you.

#5: Alcohol and drugs

In last place: is just being plain high. Picture the scene: you've been down the pub and had one or two dozen pints. You stumble home, to find your wife hasn't even left you any dinner out, let alone put the washing on. I mean, what were you supposed to do? Be warned however: the only kind of hangover worse than waking up in the morning next to a pig, is waking up next to a dead pig.

#4: Revenge

By far my favourite category. You've got to wonder if this should even really be classed as a crime. Certainly "he had it coming" should be a perfectly acceptable defence. People in this category probably figured they'd get away with it. I mean, if they had any faith in the legal system, they wouldn't be taking matters into their own hands in the first place.

#3: Money

In at three, is cold hard cash. One scenario might be that the job centre was way on the other side of town, where as your elderly rich relative lived just around the corner. And lets face it his best years were behind him anyway. Or perhaps you'd spent too much time planning how to get into the bank and not enough time planning how you'd get out afterwards. Which is really probably the trickier part.

You might be one of those people that think that this is the most despicable reason to do away with another human being. But consider this: how much would I really have to pay you to kill Paris Hilton?

#2: No apparent motive

Or as I like to think of it, "lazy police work". This category might not have made it to second place if the law enforcement agencies were a little more determined on finding out the truth. And by finding the truth, I don't just mean 'lets plant a glove and hope it fits'. Of course it could be that there really is no motive. In which case we could just blame video games or something.

#1: The domestic argument

My source indicated that "domestic includes jealousy, desertion/termination of relationship, and other domestic altercation.". It seems our favourite excuse to bump someone off is the ol' crime of passion. I guess it just goes to show that you *can* love someone too much. Or not enough. Until scientists determine the exact amount you're supposed to love someone, we're all just going to have to watch our backs.

I hope this has been informative for you. Apologies if your favourite murder motive wasn't mentioned, but feel free to let me know about it in the comments.

If you'd like more information on murdering someone, you should seek immediate help. (Statistics show that murderers who have accomplices are 25%* more likely to succeed).

*not a real statistic.


Anonymous said...

Sexual jealousy is #1 without a doubt,then money.

Trini said...

Good words.

Anonymous said...

really? i actually thought that revenge would be the number one reason.

Mark said...

I initially thought so too. I guess perhaps when people get revenge they want to see that person suffer, so murder is a less attractive option. :P

Roadhunter said...

Revenge would be number one, but most of the revenge murders are drug related.
People with accomplices always get caught. The tens of thousands of missing persons in this country are, for the most part, dead. Killed by people who worked alone, and never told a soul.

Jesse said...

So... what about religion? I expected to see that

Mark said...

Good point, although I did mention that war didn't count so I guess religous wars don't count either.

Every now and again someone comments on this post and i'm left wondering what they were *really* googling for in order to have found it..

Anonymous said...

Yes I think religion does take a part. It's like when one religion or their god angry or jealous of another, killings of the other faiths started. I don't mean all religions do such things, but there are a very few religion which does it.

Anonymous said...

i think you nailed it

Dusky said...

Yay! Now my antag in my English project has a motive, thanks.

James said...

I was originally searching "Top 10 Reasons to Murder Someone," but this was the closest I found.

I'm a screenwriter looking for a creative motive for a woman to kill several people in one night, let me know if you have any ideas!


billy maize said...

I just wanted to say not all murders are unjust

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